there’s people i know that have the freedom and all the fuckin time in the world but ain’t got NO ambition whatsoever to do something. y’all bug the fuck out of me. 

i think it’s important that we all take a little bit of time for ourselves. hardest part is convincing yourself that it’s okay to be selfish for just a little bit; especially with wife and kids and a fuck load of things to be responsible for. 

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it used to be okay to copy someone’s work for the sake of learning and better your own process. social media wasn’t such a heavy driver then so to many, copying was just that; as a way to learn. nowadays, people are copying for the sake of gaining followers and likes and it really gets under my skin.  

people who don’t have kids for themselves 100% of the time won’t understand what it’s like... for example, one huge thing is that when you become a parent, you’re way of thinking, decision making and intuition is completely different than as of someone who doesn’t have kids. something just flips and all the sudden, everything you do is a bit more calculated in consideration of your dependents; your family. even if you were the biggest risk-taker before, the game changes when you have kids... big time. one thing i know for a fact that has changed about me in the last few years is that i really don’t give a fuck anymore. all i care about is providing for my family and making sure they are happy.. all the other noise is simply just noise.

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it was around 8:00am when I was driving laps around the valley when I got stopped by a ranger who had told me that the road ahead was temporarily closed due to tree blockage. told me that the wait will be around 20-45 minutes so instead of just waiting there, I ended up just driving into some side road to explore a bit and it seems as if I have discovered Narnia.

fuji superia 400

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for the past few years now, i’ve been wanting to visit Yosemite during the winter. the opportunity just never arose so I never got around to it until this past week. my wife had told me that for this new year, she wanted me to try and take a trip for myself at least once a month and that was honestly one of the sweetest things she has ever said to me lol. there was a party of me that really missed going out, exploring and shooting. I had made the decision when my daughter was born, that I would put up traveling for a while and I had already accepted that I won’t be traveling anywhere, anytime soon. but what I had not considered was just how much I needed to do this for myself. being a parent, your life becomes so routine and repetitive. just doing the same thing over and over again and it really started taking a toll on me without really realizing it. I had decided that I really wanted to take this quick over night trip to Yosemite by myself to really just decompress and just be in my own thoughts. I can’t stress at just how important that is, especially for anyone that is on a creative path. even though I had entered a fuckin snowstorm in Yosemite and the drive was super sketch since the roads were completely non-existent cause of how much snow there was, I was still in a state of zen. life can get so fuckin chaotic and busy beyond belief, that when you are put in a situation where you really don’t have to do anything, you’re just like… holy shit. that holy shit moment came when I had finally got into Yosemite at 3am and found a spot to park and call it home for the night. I had opened up the trunk hatch, and just sat in the trunk looking out into nothing. it was damn near total black, but I could faintly see snow covered trees and mountains in the back with the snow coming down heavy.. it was so fuckin peaceful I tell you. even with tree branches snapping around me and I would piss myself a little every time, but i still was able to just zone tf out.

you know, when my daughter was born, my life literally turned upside. you would think that when a life event happens as huge as having a child; the drastic change would be something difficult to adjust but that wasn’t necessarily the case for me. being a dad has always been something that I knew I wanted to be, even when I was like a kid or teen.. I always knew that I wanted to become a dad so im assuming this is why the transition was so seamless, so natural. there are so many things that just became second-nature to me.

This isn’t something I can really put into words or explain to anyone, I don’t think anyone really can comprehend what this feeling is like unless you have kids.. but not just having kids, but to have the desire be a parent. I was listening to Joe Rogan’s podcast with guest Travis Barker and he had mentioned that, the second he became a father, there was a switch that just flipped; everything changed. this was the most honest and really, the best way to put it.